The introduction sets a clear focus on the theme of identity in both poems, but it could benefit from a more explicit thesis statement that outlines the specific aspects of identity you will compare. Consider stating how each poet's approach to identity differs or aligns.
In the first body paragraph, you effectively analyze Agard's use of metaphor and verb choice, but the explanation could be more concise. Try to streamline your points to enhance clarity. For example, instead of saying 'showing it heals him from the oppressive rule,' you could say 'indicating it heals him from oppression.'
The second body paragraph presents a strong comparison between the two poets, but the analysis of Rumens' poem could be more detailed. You mention the feeling of guilt but do not fully explore how this guilt impacts the character's identity. Consider expanding on this point to deepen your analysis.
The final body paragraph provides a good exploration of Agard's critique of education, but the transition to Rumens' perspective could be smoother. Ensure that each point flows logically to the next, perhaps by explicitly linking the ideas of protection and memory to the broader theme of identity.
To improve AO1, focus on developing a more explicit thesis statement in your introduction that clearly outlines the comparison you will make. Ensure that each paragraph ties back to this thesis to maintain a coherent argument.